When Popstar Madonna averred that Corona was an equalizer- I almost chocked with contempt. How? When she tweets while socked in her Diamante crusted bathtub, littered with rose petals while sipping Romanee-Conti and the rest of us have to choose between buying a mask or bread!
The only indisputable equalizer in this life- apart from death- is aqua vitae; commoners know it as alcohol. The almighty liquor is the sole impetus behind so many great works of art, film, and one-night stands. It’s no wonder that so many prominent voices have pontificated about the good drink throughout the ages.
One of the best American Musicians of the 20th century, Frank Sinatra perhaps has the bragging rights for churning one of the most profound quotes on liquor. He said, “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
Followed by two other sages. Plato who opined that, ‘he was a wise man who invented beer,’ (the compliment of “wise” really means a lot coming from Plato) and George Bernard Shaw who held that “Alcohol is the anaesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”
But like religion has different kind of believers, the imbibers are categorized as well. You’ve got your beer drinkers in one corner, crowding around the keg or whimpering around the bottles like sissies and talking about basic stuff. When it comes to this frothy substance, Kenya has no rival. The country leads in beer consumption in the region with 56 per cent of alcohol consumed in Kenya being beer. This is even higher than Nigeria and South Africa — the continent’s largest economies.
Then you’ve got your wine drinkers, twirling their glasses around, most likely judging everybody else around them. Lovers of the grape are often very social but are not to be trusted with a secret, as they may inadvertently let it slip whilst indulging. Kwanza these women who love the cheap Red wine they can barely pronounce properly… They love to ask personal and audacious questions of others and don’t mind sharing a few of their own secrets, too.
At the other corner are the vodka drinkers, busting shots of whatever variety was the cheapest and the gin drinkers, arguing over what their favourite politicians and their Almas, the ‘bwana you cannot tell me anything, I went to St. Marys…”
Then, of course, there’s everyone’s least favourite: The whiskey drinker.
Whiskey drinkers are some of the most generalized members of the alcohol community.
For whatever reason, if you fancy a glass of bourbon from time to time, people just assume you prefer binge-watching “Sons of Anarchy,” while simultaneously fingering some lass.
But here is the crux of this piece, whiskey might be one of the most masculine choices at the bar, but it doesn’t mean it’s out of bounds for ladies. In fact, my deduction is that women with a taste for whiskey are cut above the rest. The ilk who believe that in order to be truly creative, you have to learn the classics. The lasses who fold easily into most social situations, and can always find some interest in common to discuss with most people. The ladies who savour whiskey like it is an experience- the smell. The notes when it kisses your palate. The rich colour. The taste when taken unadulterated.
Here are a few reasons why women who drink whiskey are cut above the rest.
SHE CAN HOLD HER LIQUOR (AND HOLD YOU DOWN TOO)
Especially if she is ordering her Whiskey neat, man, you have yourself a modern-day Nefertiti there. Forget these dumbos who quaff these fruit flavoured drinks then puke their guts out after the third bottle and get horny at the fourth. You’re definitely going to want a girl who can hold her liquor, especially when you’re taking her out to places.
WHISKEY MAMAS EPITOMIZE STRENGTH
A woman audacious enough to order for whiskey is confident- and confidence can be a good indicator of strength. You can bet that she’s clearly comfortable with herself, knows what she wants and has no problem making it happen – regardless of what anyone else at the bar might think.
SHE’S PROBABLY A PROFOUND THINKER
For whatever reason, whenever I think of people who drink whiskey with any regularity, I feel like they also have a slew of obscure, sophisticated hobbies in addition.
A girl who loves whiskey is no different; if she’s got a bottle of Glen stacked up somewhere, she probably also probably has a collection of classics, thence, knows George Orwell and can share her opinion on whether the fat -necked Boris Johnson is the most clueless PM U.K has ever known.
Whiskey is a mature drink choice. And just like the stilts and wood used in the aging is what gives each bottle its distinctive flavour, so have the senses of the drinker.
Put it this way: I doubt any true whiskey drinker is going to get you subpoenaed citing sexual harassment if you called her ‘hot.’
SHE HAS A TASTE FOR THE FINER THINGS
She doesn’t just drink whiskey because it’s going to get her drunk faster or because she has anything she’s trying to prove.
She genuinely appreciates good liquor and the prominence and class of whiskey have sparked her interest. Sure, she could throwback shots of cheap vodka, but simply getting pissy drunk is far from her only motive. She sips slow.
SHE CAN STAND UP FOR HERSELF
She definitely doesn’t let anyone walk all over her. At the first whiff of disrespect, she’s ready to check your unsavoury ass. Whiskey drinkers are typically generalized as “badass” and it couldn’t have come to fruition without some level of truth to it. And ‘bad ass’ here does not mean a ‘slut’ who wakes up in strange beds.
But just because she doesn’t drive a motorcycle or shoot guns doesn’t mean she can’t have a little wild streak you don’t know about. And here are ‘bad ass,’ accomplished women who love the brown spirit. From British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher (who claimed whiskey gave her the energy to govern the United Kingdom) to actress Ava Gardner, there have been plenty of whiskey-loving women through the ages.
If there’s one thing Hillary Clinton always makes time for, it’s a stiff glass of whiskey. From the popular video showing her knocking back some Crown Royal in 2008, to her tour of the Maker’s Mark Distillery in Kentucky during her 2016 campaign. And, apparently, distillers in DC named one of their whiskeys “Rodham Rye” in honor of the former Secretary of State.
Raise your glasses ladies. Here is to being ambitious. Intellectually curious. Fierce. Loyal and ‘bad ass.’
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Facebook: Aoko Otieno
DISCLAIMER: VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE THE WRITER’S. THEY DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT VIEWS OF VIUSASA.