It’s interesting how being single and without children has been passed by society as the S. I unit for dating. So anyone with children is not supposed to be in a relationship.
If you are in a relationship and you have children, you are a witch. You sit on pots and talk to female snakes! The only right way for you, according to society, is to act and look meek, to beg, to plead with people to take care of your kids and house you!
I mean, who are you seeing? With your children? Why? You are not a virgin-so who took a ‘whore’ like you? You can’t be in a relationship! It’s not societally accepted! Giggles*
Anyway, as a parent who wants a relationship, you are harshly judged. People don’t think about you wanting to be loved, or wanting to be with someone genuinely or deserving a relationship.
Your type belongs somewhere in the gutter. You are seen as wanting someone to raise your child for you. You are seen as taking advantage of the other party’s financial state. You are seen as a pest.
You cannot just love because you are in love! Where’s the proof? Who knows that you are actually in love? Show us your heart! Slit your chest and show us. Who knows that you will just love and not have any other motives? Bring us your certificate of good conduct. Show us your bank statements. Write a list of who and why that other gender visits your house. Call a press conference and tell us why you are single!
It’s a hustle. If you decide to actively find love, it becomes a full-time job!
NOW, READ THE STORY OF STACY AND MAX;
“When I met Max, the first thing I told him is that I have two children and I co-parent. I did this without flinching. He had choices, to stay and give it a try or leave before we were too far into it, ” Stacy started narrating.
She ate to her fill knowing it wasn’t going far-after all, how many men had she met and they smiled and nodded through the conversation but blocked her on their way out or went silent?
“Max surprisingly asked me if I had arrived home safely. The next morning he asked if we could meet up for breakfast. Luckily, the kids were spending the weekend with their dad. Breakfast turned lunch and lunch dinner. We spent a substantial amount of time together and by the time we parted, we had bonded a bit, ” she said.
See, Max had no children. So ideally, he’d fall for a woman without ‘baggage’ and just live as per societal standards.
“I’m happy he chose me and I don’t take it for granted. When I met Max, I had just recovered from a nasty break up with my baby daddy. He was a beast every time he drunk. He became violent for no valid reasons. The last one that pushed me to leave, he used a knife. He slit parts of my body slowly and enjoyed watching me bleed. I walked out, ” she added.
Stacy wasn’t going to stay in a relationship just for fear of not having another partner ever in her life. She chose life and walked away.
“I joined support teams when I broke up with him and I tell you women out here are single for diverse reasons. Some were widowed early, some raped, some ran away from abuse, some were loved to the labour ward and it ended there. Some, it ended when they said they were pregnant! I find it unfair that society chooses to judge us (women) harshly.”
Obviously, there’s the ratchet batch or the one that tries to trap men with pregnancies or just whore sisters. They are with you but are with everyone else!
“Max has loved me unconditionally. We got two more children and they don’t even know they are not biological siblings. We have tried to ensure a seamless relationship between us and the baby daddy so that all kids can comfortably be together at his place. Leaving the other two at home would look bad. We even try to incorporate baby daddy’s children (with his new wife) in trips our children go to so that the bond the kids have created sort of stays.”
“Max has proven to me that being single with kids doesn’t make you written off! It also shouldn’t make you bow to the other party as if they are god! No one is doing you a favor. You are amazing and you deserve someone to share your lifetime of love and happiness with,” she explained.
If you have children but is single, it doesn’t mean you should lose yourself. You are amazing in your own right and you should be proud of yourself. You are doing a great job with your children. Don’t wait for anyone to validate you!
If you are someone with children hoping to find love, remember no one is doing you a favour. If you feel they don’t match up with your standards, don’t entertain them. If you feel like you have to do extra to please them because you have children, the world has billions of people! They are not that special.
Take your time, watch out for red flags and keep being you. One day, someone excellent will come your way! Remember, no need to make you feel like they are doing you a favour! What’s the colour of their socks again?