Aoko’s unsolicited nuggets to young women as 2020 ends

I cannot stomach Ted talks, they bore me. I find most-not all-nothing but regurgitated glib told by Aristotle wannabes. But as 2020 is fast coming to a close, I might just wear a ‘Ted speaker’ hat and share a few nuggets with my generation of females. Hoping they will not find it bland.


Not to worry, this is not another harangue telling you to give broke men a chance that you have come so despise me for; neither is it another anti-feminism rhapsody so many of you find odious- nay, these are the kind of stuff your role models should be dishing, if only your role models weren’t soft porn perpetrators called socialites and anti- patriarchy deluded cougars.


So let’s get right into it.


THIRST FOR VALIDATION– Boy, we all want some form of validation, it’s only human but hasn’t this ‘need’ spiraled into something calamitous! My all-time best philosopher, Confucius puts it succinctly and with absolute depth: “What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.”


Many young women today are absolutely addicted to male attention. Seeking validation especially in men can be disparaging and a hindrance to cultivating a sense of a fulfilled and empowered self. Never in history has the attention-grabbing, consciousness-shaping, and thought-diverting technology of social media been seen on such a large scale. Social media was created for you, not the other way around. Do not let it shape you into someone who craves, in fact, needs approval from a bunch of strangers who do not even care.


And while at it, ditch the mask- not the physical one that protects you against the virus but the facade you portray to the world. Because when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you really are.  So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.  You don’t have to be perfect to impress and inspire people. Instead, let them be impressed and inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.


CREATE YOUR DREAMS – Your only competition is the woman in the mirror. If you are not where you were yesterday, that is progress enough. The biggest challenge you face is discovering who you are; and being content with what you find. This journey of discovery is only possible if you stay true to your goals and purpose. The notion that the world owes you when you cannot as much as offer the world common decency is fallacy and malarkey at its best. A life filled with decent deeds and good character is the best tombstone.


YOUR COMPANY IS A REFLECTION OF WHO YOU ARE– Do the people you surround yourself with build and challenge your character and mind, affirm you, fan your flame or blow it out? Do all you talk about is booze, boys and balderdash? Who are your role models? Do you discuss ideas, aspirations and dreams?


Are they a source of strength that help you resist your weaknesses, inspirations to, lighten up your inner mind? Do you learn anything new when you meet and are engrossed in deep discourses that erase your ignorance one conversation at a time? Are they a source of truth in a world where friends are a paragon of deception, do they inundate your misunderstandings with a sense of understanding?


Remember, wrong company is a choice not an obligation. Don’t destroy yourself by allowing negative people add gibberish and debris to your character, reputation, and aspirations. To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals.


THERE ARE NO FAILURES, JUST LESSONS – “There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.”- Robin Sharma.


Even if things don’t unfold the way you had expected, don’t be disheartened or give up.  Learn what you can and move on.  The one who continues to advance one step at a time will win in the end.  Because the battle is always won far and long before the final victory.  It’s a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to that glorious moment of triumph. If you want to know your past look into your present conditions.  If you want to know your future look into your present actions.  You must let go of the old to make way for the new; acknowledge this and you will position yourself for lasting success.


Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.  Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were before.  Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision again. The world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world something.  Develop a backbone, not a wishbone.  Take full responsibility for your life – take control. You are valuable and you are needed.  It’s too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do change your life. That somebody is YOU.


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