AOKO OTIENO: Why Kenyan cities have an influx of 35-and-above-year-old hapless single women
Published on August 12, 2020
A recent episode of a local talk show went viral because it was titled; “Why good women over 40 are single while bad girls settle.”
I do not know about good or bad, but it is a cinch that indeed, most Kenyan women sniffing that age are single.
When the Lord humoured Abraham that his descendants will be as many as the stars litter the sky, no one would have guessed that the numerical strength of Abraham’s offspring would rival those of single yet miserable woke women in Kenyan cities.
No kidding, there is a worrying influx of ‘alone and not by choice’ women in these cities. Funny that you can always stick out like sore thumbs. They are the ilk who will not touch Githeri even after using sanitizer or protective hand gear and will only talk to a man if his belt matches his Little Red calibre of shoes- never mind that her own face and neck look like a poorly colour blocked outfit.
Without trepidation of contradiction; I absolutely rule out the common script that most ladies and women in Kenya are single by choice or they have deliberately elected not to get married.
Come on, look at how many of them tune into TB Joshua online summons where they plant seeds hoping to secure husbands. Not to mention the large number of single ladies attending crusades or prayer rallies organized by local and international preachers to assist them get “hooked” to their ideal marriage partners.
Here is the thing, in their twenties and early thirties, these women’s lifestyles were imbued by a sense of pride that was conspicuous even in the way they talked, ate, dressed, behaved and even lived.
Hubris that they christened as Standards became innate. They find it hard to remain revere or submit to their husbands. This myopia and self -defeating modus becomes even more exacerbated if the lady happens to be holding a particular position or job.
Listen ladies; love, respect, faithfulness, femininity and submissiveness are some of the essential qualities which men are looking for in an ideal marriage partner.
It thus goes without saying that eligible bachelors are unwilling to settle down with this team ‘twenging’ even though these same guys date these damsels.
Here is why you will end up falling in the clique of 35-and-above. Single and Miserable;
1. When you earn Ksh35, 000 and live in a gated residential, paying rent in excess of Ksh40k, it only implies you are living above your means. You will consequently resort to soliciting money from older-often married men who will use you to keep arthritis at bay but will not leave their baby fats ridden wives for you and very few will take you as a second wife.
No well-meaning man wants an extravagant, careless and greedy woman and a downright gold-digger. Any level headed man would shun a high maintenance woman, one who insists on holidaying in Dubai even when the man is up to his eyeballs with family responsibilities and probably wallowing in debts.
2. If you are the type who knows all entertainment joints in the CBD and Nairobi West, knows half of the male patrons when you enter a joint in Eastlands and probably can even identify their staff by name, stop bothering the tithing and binding nonexistent demons. A party animal cannot make a good wife and men fathom this. You are the type likely to leave the kids at the mercy of the neighbours or house help while you quaff cognac and cure like a sailor the whole night; weekend after weekend.
3. “Style is a reflection of your attitude and your personality-” Shawn Ashmore. You are addressed by how you dress. Yes, he has no qualms to introduce you to his boys in that dress that only covers your bum, but he sure ain’t taking a ratchet to his mama. There is a fine line between classy and trashy and you are blind to the same.
4. You are comfortable being average- So you have a certificate or diploma in an inconsequential course from these city storeys that are atop some pub and where the classes are converted into churches every Sunday. No big deal. We all start from somewhere. But do not be comfortable with a mediocre education. Mediocre job, mediocre life. A level-headed man would rather marry an emancipated, ambitious woman. Not the likes who think of Peruvian hair, latest matte lipstick and nothing else! Pursue education for career/business growth and for a more open mind.
An intelligent woman makes for a stimulating life companion, not one whose knowledge is limited to mastering the lyrics to Cardi B’s Bodak Yellow.
5. Forget what feminists say, you must learn how to cook because it’s just a matter of time before the man gets worn by your favourite take-outs. When you scream about your ‘rights’ even in simple matters like house chores, you are definitely going to cuddle your pets until your sunset years.
Equity is not about demanding to pee while standing, like men. It is about knowing your place as a woman without your rights being infringed. We can never be equal. Even Providence did not intend that.
Therein lies why plain Janes always seem to bag the man!