AOKO OTIENO: Chivalry is not dead! Women should stop pegging it on overrated ‘Alejandro nonsense’

A conversation with an averagely emancipated Kenyan woman paints a grim picture of men. One would think they are describing aliens. Contrary to their chronicles of gloom, Kenya has no shortage of the so-called ‘gentlemen’; they lurk with wanton abandon if only adult women would stop being trivial and silly!

The word chivalry is medieval and stems from the tradition of knighthood and war, but with modernity and evolution of language, it now denotes a code of conduct a man should purvey when relating with a woman.

Do not confuse these with common courtesy like being polite to everyone, acknowledging the opinion of others, holding the door for someone with their hands full, I mean these are plain good manners and etiquette which are inculcated in most people- men or women from a young age; chivalry is another ball game- it is basically adult women with two hands expecting a man to open a car door for them if it means having to run around the car to do so, a woman wearing a weather-inappropriate freeze and shine dress then expecting you to give her your jacket, show up to her door with a bouquet while she shows up to yours with an attitude- you catch the drift? Good!

Oh, hold up, I am not done yet. What women deem as chivalrous also includes you paying the bill even if she invited you despite the written rule clearly postulating that whoever did the inviting pays; helping her with her coat, sharing your umbrella when she forgets hers, waiting for her to sit first before you do, letting her order first at a restaurant. Crazy shit, right?

Numero uno, chivalry is foreign balderdash and a concept exacerbated by susceptible women who often fall prey to brainwashing. Come on, women should stop being simplistic creatures who focus on petty crap like pulling chairs and bed full of roses. It is time we embrace chivalry the African or should I say Kenyan way.

A man worth his balls is the type who instead of drinking his cents and getting liver cirrhosis while at it, uses his mullah to acquire a plot of land and build a home for his woman. But I believe women who want these kinds of men are also as few as white Rhinos.

Modern women today are nothing less than a bunch of wannabe divas seeking trophy gentlemen to show off on social media in the name of ‘couple goals; chasing a fantasy that is plucked straight from soap operas. This make- believe-world has stirred illusionary expectations in women.

This utopia is a hard sell, especially to Kenyan men who believe-rightfully so- that they are way more spruced up than their fathers whom they watched over the years, come home staggering with a newspaper tucked under his armpits when he on the flipside hugs his wife and brings pizza home.

A man might not instinctively reach for the car door not because he is manner less but because he grew up seeing cars in magazines and from distant neighbours and caught Matatu most of his life, and pardon him if he does not understand the concept of flowers outside the context of weddings and funerals.

No, he won’t pull chairs because that is something that should be done only to the physical deprived like his grandma; and girl, you look perfectly healthy to him! And yes, he will not spend 10k for dinner at a restaurant that sells nothing but ambience just because you want to be served a bloody effing octopus just to appear classy!

Could you please let that son of a woman be a gentleman the African way? I.e., by providing for his family, respecting his wife and being a good father to his children. That is being a gentleman in a way that makes sense!