Spotting red flags in relationships should be a basic skill. You see it, you know it and you act!
But we are just who we are. We see it, we ignore it, it destroys us. Often, we can tell bullshit from afar, but the inner us pets us. We start giving more time. We start hoping for change. We start looking at the good that has been done to us and avoid focusing on things that matter.
I’d entirely flip the education system if I were president. It’s the reason I’m not. I’d drag you to relationship classes and give you practical classes with temporary partners so you learn skills that would stop you from thinking of suicide or drinking all night or going to watch football against your will. But you chose to learn algebra and trichonosomiasis. Look at you.
Picture this. You are married or you’ve done that come-we-stay thing. Your partner has a clothing store in town. So he wakes up early and goes to Gikosh for clothes. He then comes back home, freshens up, eats and prepares to go to work. In the evening, he is back home, has dinner with you and goes to bed.
He will leave every 1 am and be home by 4 am for a nap before his normal day resumes. You don’t seem bothered by his leaving the house late night because he is a decent looking guy who is a businessman and it’s okay if he leaves. Besides, he said that those are the times he gets to offload containers for vegetables or fruits or whatever to the market and you believed him.
One day he doesn’t return home at 4 am. Days later, he is nowhere to be seen. It’s only later that you hear he was shot dead. He was a thug. He had a gun with him at the time of death.
But your husband didn’t show signs of being a thief. Yooo! He wouldn’t. No thief says they steal for a living. His leaving home at 1 am and returning at 4 am didn’t bother you. You questioned once and never bothered to probe further? Yaani you washed, cleaned, cooked, slept with, shared genitalia with a killer but knew nothing!
Let me tell you Maina (that thing we say when serious). We’d rather walk in public with the tall, dark and handsome men or big butt, big boob women or ride in a Mercedes or BMW but be beaten to pulp. Or have no freedom!
Aaah we need to have an alarm in our systems that detects fake from as far as Timbuktu so we get to strategize on time. We know whether to learn taekwondo or buy enough tissues to wipe tears or buy those agriculture scissors- were they secatoors, sohcahtoa or something to chop off some things that can’t settle.
See, if we did listen to our guts at some point in our relationship lives, we’d be grateful to ourselves that we saved our hearts. But we are inclined to premium tears somehow so anyone saying no is a hater, oooh doesn’t wish you good, ooh is jealous. And then boom! You have it right in your face!
People are losing money, huge sums, they are being caught up in pregnancy traps, killing each other, living in loveless marriages and more all because they ignored something really small.
Before I start sounding like a hater bred in hell, start noticing your surrounding and familiarize with your partner. Have your antenna as active as possible. Permit yourself to be nosy. Aaah bana, you have been living in a thatched house and suddenly you are moved to Kilimani and new cars bought, security beefed up…then you say God is faithful! Yooo! Unless it is a raffle won or a bet, be wary.
It’s okay to live lavishly, to want to be the couple goals etc but when the gut says no, that’s it. Listen to your gut.
Make me president and see, I’ll take you all to relationship school so that you learn to walk away when you see that red flag because it’s a basic skill! Y’all can’t be frustrated to an extent of walking naked in the streets because of relationships! I’ll send you the curriculum tomorrow.
DISCLAIMER: VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS ARTICLE ARE THE WRITER’S. THEY DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT VIEWS OF VIUSASA.