AOKO OTIENO: Knowledge on sports and stock market is great, but it’s the home-making skills that will keep him

I do not vaunt knowledge of what triggered the online conversation last week; all I know is that some of the known Feminists in the Country were frothing and foaming from the mouth after young women revealed on Twitter as having ‘played wives’ e.g. cooking o their boyfriends.

Listen, Ladies, this is a Jesus versus Barnabas thing, we know how it will end. Elect to listen to these spinsters and gay women hiding behind personal experiences as the oomph behind their women rights cries and hues or listen to Aoko who has your interest at heart.

Eschew what emancipation, Western nuances and empowerment has socialized you to believe, the reality is that most cultures in Africa consider a woman’s ability to cook as not only the most poignant seductive tool and a measure of home-making skills.

Forget nudes and makeup, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” is not a cliché, it is factual. It is one of the oldest and most ignored recipes for netting your dream guy.

I can see eyes rolling and spits of ‘bloody effing pick me, misogynistic thing.’ What you think of me and my sentiments is your business, I am just here to offer pro bono and valuable tips to women, who continue to think grammar or knowledge of the stock market or world politics is the way to retain a man’s attention. It will attract, yes, but something else will keep him intrigued enough to want to put a ring on it- whether literally or figuratively.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is unequivocally the most powerful woman in the World. Team ‘nitumie fare’, Chancellor here is like President. Not only is she at the acme of World leadership, but she is also an erudite woman who has a degree in physics and a doctorate(PhD) in quantum chemistry.

Despite her stature, power and having shattered the proverbial glass ceiling, she still cooks for her husband. The hubby is no riffraff either, he is a Professor who prefers to stay out of the limelight. In one of her interviews, she says she makes breakfast for her husband every morning and makes time to cook.

Last year in October, Croatia’s immediate former President, Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic – the woman who made all of us root for Croatia in the World cup 2018, flew her husband Jacob to London on his 51st birthday. Her treat.

Oprah Winfrey, a billionaire has been with her partner Stedman Graham for over 30 years. She says her perfect date night is when she cooks for her man. Yes, darlings, billionaire Oprah puts on her apron and weaves magic with her hands in the kitchen for her man.

One of Africa’s female dollar billionaires; and we only have two- Folorunsho Alakija still cooks for her husband and until recently, when age caught up with her, used to wash his undergarments.

A Kenyan woman with Sh300 in her Mpesa and an average degree becomes an Admin of a useless Facebook page or is elected chairwoman of Plot ten cabal of gossipers and suddenly, she is on the prowl. We have heard of women who are elected MCAs and bam! Their husbands begin to smell like skunk.

You meet an archetype Kenyan woman when she can barely wipe her bum properly; when she is naïve and can barely look at you in the face during intimacy, when she is timid and has barely achieved anything. You support her in her endeavours because any man with a good head on his shoulders would go for an empowered woman or one who is ambitious. Only Charlatans are intimidated by successful women.

You support and nurse her dreams in cash and kind. You are the air that propels her wings; the anchor to her sail, you see her achievement as pertinent for the growth of the family. The moment a title is attached to her name- Dr., CEO, MCA, Hon, PhD, MD, Director, CAS- you wear the skirt, she wears the long pants.

She begins to lift her nose when speaking, acquires a dismissive tone and dares you because she knows she has the support of the ‘anti-men, elites at FIDA. You see the panty of your wife like an eclipse, once in blue-moon, she comes and goes as she pleases, the cooking is delegated to the house help- even when she has free time, she would rather spend it on her phone, she is busy building the Country while her marriage crumbles.

There is generally a very strong link between a husbands’ happiness and his wife’s ability to satisfy his culinary tastes. ‘Kuna githeri kwa fridge, ukitaka food uichemshe’ is the reason he is chatting with Njoro wa Mechanic until midnight.

Contrary to the notion by simpletons, men are driven towards strong women. Especially if she is a boss but is also domestic. sEven celebrated male chefs are known to prefer their wives’ cooking. It has got to do with the nurturing hands and ingredients of thoughtfulness, warmth and love that goes in putting together the dish.

Good cooking lures. Have you not seen men park four-wheel drives outside a kibanda joint just for that special taste? Darlings, having a degree, nice legs and skills in make-up are now common. Stand pit with an ability to be homely, particularly if you whip up a tasty meal without ruckus.

Listen, to the career women here, work is important. Family is important. Find an equilibrium. The love and respect should not ebb because your cheque is fatter. It is wrong to realize he is fat, or short, or illiterate, or ugly, or has a small shaft when you climb the ladder. Before you rose up the political or cooperate echelons, you were moaning to that thumb.

Power is fickle. Money is fleeting. Life is like the seasons. Today is summer. But when Winter comes, when the position you have shall have been occupied by another, you will crave the warmth of the family. Treasure it.

Twitter @MaverickAoko

Facebook: Aoko Otieno